(First song)
Narrator: Our story begins in an old wax museum filled with a collection of odd figures. It’s Halloween night, and a small group of people has been asked to the museum by someone whom we all know and admire greatly, Emily.
(Curtain goes up) Now, as we raise the curtain, Emily is absent but….
(A rabbit pokes its head  out from behind the curtain before withdrawing.)
BOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Narrator runs across the stage)
(The cast is oblivious to this)
Meathead: This is ridiculous!
Christy: What is?
Meathead: The humidity in here! My hair is ruined! (runs over to a mirror, whips out a comb from his pocket and re-poofs his white fro)
(Jen snickers at him. Sam rolls her eyes. Taylor is too busy twirling to notice. Elise snickers as well.)
Christy: (Mutters to Taylor and Elise) Meathead the House-Mate.
(Elise and Taylor burst out laughing, Taylor stops twirling.)
Jen: What’s that?
Christy: Private joke. Who are you anyway?
Jen: I’m Jen. Not Jennie, or Jennifer, just Jen.
Christy: Ok… But I meant how do you know Emily?
Jen: We were in the same writing camp.
Taylor: (Interrupts) Oh. My. Edward!
Christy, Sam, Jen, Elise: What!? (Jen sounds more confused than curious.)
(Meathead is satisfied with his hair and wanders over)
Taylor: (pointing at one of the figurines) EDWARD!
(Taylor, Christy, Sam, and Elise squeal)
Jen: Who’s Edward?
Meathead: What’s so great about him? His hair is so, so flat.
(No one notices; they’re all drooling over the figurine.)
Christy: He’s so lifelike!
Taylor: Just like I pictured him!
Sam and Elise: He’s so hot!
(All three nod in agreement and sigh dreamily.)
(The Edward song)
Jen: You guys are-
Meathead: (interrupts) Wiggedy wiggedy whack!
(Narrator is walking back to her position on the stage. She casually gives him a slap upside the head before returning to her post. Meathead looks around for the phantom slapper, ‘cause this is a play and he can’t see the narrator.)
Narrator: We’re going to take a short break now, because someone in the audience peed their pants laughing and we have to clean it up. Don’t go away! Unless, of course, you need to go to the bathroom, in which case…. GO FORTH AND EMPTY YOUR BLADDERS! FOR THE LOVE OF MIKEY, GO NOW!