Narrator: Ok, now that we’ve got that settled…. On with the…. Show…. (Stares across the stage, where a little bunny is hopping down the stairs.) Bob…. (Walks after him as the curtain pulls up.)
Meathead: Where the hell is Emily?
Elise: Maybe she’s at a concert. (Sighs wistfully.)
Christy: You’d think she’d at least call, or leave a note or something.
(Meathead looks uncomfortable.)
Meathead: Er… there was a note.
Everyone: What?
Meathead: Yeah… on the mirror.
Sam: There’s no note on that mirror.
Meathead: Yeah, ‘cause I… threw it out.
Everyone: What?!
Meathead( Defensivley) It was in the way! I couldn’t see my hair. (Pats his white fro.) Daddy loves you, yes he does!
Jen: (looks at everyone else) Is he always like this?
Everyone else: Yes.
(Taylor walks around Meathead, who is still crooning to his hair, and picks up a piece of paper from the top of the trash.)
Taylor: (reading the note) “Hey guys. Sorry I couldn’t make it right away, I lost Bob and I have to find him. But I’ll be there as soon as I can. In the mean time…. Don’t get the door. Like, ever. Anyway, have fun and don’t poke Meathead without me. Later homefries.”
(Meathead glowers, poking his round white tummy and muttering darkly about not being paid enough to wear the bleepin’ thing.)
Jen: So what do we do until then?
Elise: Listen to music!
Christy at the same time as Elise: Read!
Sam at the same time as Elise and Christy: Watch hockey!
Taylor at the same time as Elise, Christy, and Sam: Spin!
Meathead at the same time as Elise, Christy, Sam, and Taylor: Brush our hair!
(Everyone stares at him. Meathead hugs his hair and glares at them.)
Christy: (shaking her head) Anyway… maybe we could look around at the wax figures for a while.
(Everyone agrees and they go off to look at stuff. Meathead hangs behind, poofing up his hair in the mirror before Taylor comes back and drags him along.)
Taylor: Come on Natty, your hair’s fine.
Meathead: (Sulkily) My mirror.
(Wax figure song)
Meathead: What kind of place is this? And what the heck is a phillumenist?
Christy: Someone who collects match covers.
Sam: How do you know that?
Christy: Dictionary.
Sam: You actually read that thing?
Christy: I was bored.
Sam: (rolls eyes) Normal people watch hockey when they’re bored.
(Christy rolls her eyes as well.)
Christy and Sam: (Muttering) Freak.
Meathead: Hey, I comb my hair when I’m bored.
Jen: Big surprise there.
Meathead: That’s what everyone says! It’s not that out of character. You guys are clueless, honestly.
(Everyone hides laughter except Christy, who just lets it out. Meathead pouts and mutters to himself, or his hair it’s hard to tell. Everyone goes silent though as he doorbell rings.)
Taylor: Should we get it?
Christy: No. Remember, the note said don’t get it.
Taylor: Oh, right. Sorry.
(Doorbell rings again.)
Voice from offstage: Come on, get the door!
(Everyone eeps and runs offstage. Meathead’s the last to go because he’s staring at himself at the mirror.)
Meathead: You sexy devil you.
(Snaps his fingers and does the weird gun-finger thing at himself before going offstage as well.)